Everything is about something

A year ago. Everything was so different.
The world was probably the same as today. My friends and family are still what they used to be. Rock solid and the greatest. But everything with me, was so different. You might haven’t noticed anything, so you ask yourself where this big change is?

Inside of me. I couldn’t be any more different than I was a year ago. Sometimes I looked into a mirror and saw something. These dead green eyes. My, dead green eyes. Without flare, without hope. My lips they just lied instantly. “Smile.”

My eyes never lie as long as you look clearly into them. They never have. They can tell you deep down whether I’m happy, sad, tired, angry, terrified, mischievous or thinking of something else. They can tell you if I love, hate or despise you. A year ago they were barely alive.

Today they can blaze with the fiercest light at injustice and in an instant my lips get tighter and my nails clenching into my palms. My breathing getting heavier, I can almost breathe fire.
Today I can take you into my arms, hold you so near me as no one ever been and just get filled up by you, your sweetness, love and feelings toward me and the universe. I can just close my now soaking eyes and smile.

A year ago I smiled in order to live. Today, I live in order to smile for just one more day.